


Class of 1999

by WorldofImagination18



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29494050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorldofImagination18/pseuds/WorldofImagination18
Summary: September 1998. Hermione is ready to finish her final year of Hogwarts and try and put the past year behind her. Except the past year isn't so easy to forget. Still haunted by what happened and feeling all alone, Hermione starts to realise that pushing away Fred was her biggest mistake. Fortunately, he's not so easy to get rid of
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Fred Weasley
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

_September 1998_

Hermione stared at the leather trunks on her bed. Behind her, she could hear Ginny throwing in a few last-minute items. Hermione ran through her list in her head. Not that she needed to double check anything. As she had done every year, she'd done all of her packing the day before. But whereas she would usually do that just to be organised. This year it had allowed her to take her mind off what she was doing. She hadn't expected to be so anxious about going back to do her final year. Even before the hunt for the Horcruxes had started, she had known that she would go back to finish her education once it was all over. Except that had been last year. Before she'd spent months living as a fugitive, been tortured by a madwoman, and fought in a battle that had nearly killed her and the people she loved. Whilst she was still determined to go back to Hogwarts, she'd be lying if she hadn't had her doubts.

"You got everything?" Ginny's voice snapped her from her thoughts and Hermione grabbed her suitcases. It still felt strange that she'd be travelling with Ginny only. Although she knew Harry and Ron weren't as interested in their education as she was in hers; Hermione had just assumed they would all go back together.

" _What do you mean you aren't going back?"_

_Both Harry and Ron glanced nervously at her. Harry rubbed the back of his neck._

" _We just don't see the need. We don't need to get our N.E.W. T's after all."_

" _Besides," Ron added, "you always cared more about this than we ever did."_

_Hermione nodded and both boys shared a glance with each other._

" _Will you be okay?" Harry asked. Hermione forced a smile on her face._

" _Of course! I just assumed we would all go back together. It won't be the same without you guys."_

" _Please," Ron drawled. "This will probably be the only year you ever get some peace! If me and Harry went back Merlin knows what would happen!"_

"Hermione." Ginny prompted. "Are you coming?"

With a nod, Hermione dragged her things to the door. She let Ginny head down the stairs first. Their footsteps silence by the banging of cases. She knew it wasn't fair, but a part of her couldn't help but be angry at Ron and Harry for not going back. No one else knew what it had been like during that year. She'd been relying on them to help her deal with the attention she was bound to get. Pain shot through her left arm and the case fell. She'd been warned that, although the scars were small, Bellatrix's knife had cut deep and that putting any strain on that arm could delay the healing process. Hermione picked the case back up. It didn't matter if her arm healed or not. She would never fully heal where it mattered. She would always hear her screams as she was hit with the Cruciatus curse again and again. See the blood trickling down her arm as Bellatrix's knife cut her skin.

Where it mattered, Hermione didn't ever think she'd heal.

* * *

When she finally reached the foot of the stairs, Hermione was barely able to move before Ginny shot round the corner.

"Fred's here."

"He…what?"

The younger girl nodded. "Should I ask him to go? Why is he even here? He knows what day it is today."

Hermione shook her head. "Ginny he's your brother. He's more than welcome to turn up here whenever he likes."

"I know. But you and he…"

" _Ginny!_ " Hermione handed over her cases. "It's fine. Can you take these to the car? My arms playing up again."

With a nod Ginny turned and headed back through the living room. Hermione brushed herself down before slowly following. Fred stood awkwardly by the open door. Hermione held her hand up and gave a small wave. She wasn't really sure how else she was meant to greet him. Fred smiled weakly.

"I um…I didn't know if this was a good idea or not."

Hermione narrowed her eyes and Fred jerked his head in the direction of the car outside.

"First day of the school year? Remember I said I would go the station with you?"

"Oh." It wasn't that she had forgotten. Hermione just hadn't expected Fred to remember. Or to even act on it. Fred shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I know I don't exactly have to given what happened. But I know how anxious you've been about going back and…well…I didn't want you to think I'd broken my promise." he glanced up at her.

"I can go if you want. But just because we aren't together anymore doesn't meant I'm never going to be here for you."

"I…"

Fred nodded in resignation. "It's fine. I thought it might be too weird. I'll go. I just wanted you to know I hadn't forgotten."

"Wait!" Hermione dived forward, her hands reaching for his out of habit.

"You don't have to go. I just didn't expect you to come given…" she gestured awkwardly at the space between them.

"Honestly, I'd feel a lot better if you came with us. I've been so nervous about going back. Barely slept at all last night."

Fred's face fell and he moved towards her. Hermione stiffened when he raised his arms to give her a hug. Fred paused before dropping his arms and shuffling backwards.

"Are you sure you're ready? To go back?"

Hermione nodded. She hoped she looked more confident than she felt.

"I need to do this. I want to finish my education. Besides, I need something normal. Something that stops me thinking about…everything."

"Well as long as you're sure," Fred stepped aside to allow her through.

"I'd have offered to take your bags, but I see you've already got my sister doing all the hard work."

Hermione forced a smile onto her face.

"Thanks for this. I know you didn't have to."

"Hey," Fred placed a hand on her arm. "I meant it. Just because we broke up, doesn't mean we can't still get along. I made a promise and I intend to keep it."

As they walked to the car, Fred's words ran riot in her brain. Not for the first time, Hermione found herself bitterly regretting her decisions to break things off. But as her arm gave another twinge, she was instantly reminded why she had done it. Why it was for the best.

* * *

"Not gonna lie, I always used to love this bit."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Of course, you would."

"What can I say? You're running at a brick wall and then suddenly you're in a whole new place. I know I grew up with all of this, but it always gave me a bit of a thrill every time it happened."

"I just remember being incredibly nervous the first time. I was so sure I would break my nose!"

Hermione watched as Ginny and Molly walked through the wall that took them to platform 9 ¾. Her fingers gripped the bar of her trolley as she lined up for her go. The bricks stared back at her and she flexed her aching fingers.

"Um…are you waiting for something?"

Hermione glanced down at her luggage and then back up against the wall. Each heartbeat felt like someone driving a hammer against her ribs.

"Hermione?"

"I can't do this," she stumbled backwards. "Fred I…I can't do this!"

"Hey," he grabbed her trolley with one hand and gently ushered them both to one side so other returning students could go through.

"Hermione what's wrong?"

"I can't…" she wrung her hands tightly. "Fred the _second_ I am on that platform everyone will notice me. They'll all be staring and whispering. I'll have people asking me questions and wanting to talk about what happened."

Fred smiled down at her. "I was on the platform when I met Harry for the first time. The most famous person in our world was just wandering around. Guess how many people noticed him?"

"I don't…"

"None." Fred gently reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I only noticed him because he came up to me and George. Everyone else was completely oblivious to him. It'll be the same the second you go through the barrier."

"But what about when we arrive?" Hermione whispered. She tugged her sleeves over her hands.

"People will notice me then."

"Yeah," Fred nodded, "they will. What you three did, unfortunately won't ever happen without gaining some attention afterwards. And people will be curious. They will ask questions. But I know that you will be able to handle it. You're Hermione Granger. You can handle anything."

With a shaky nod, Hermione grabbed the trolley again. Fred shot her a smile.

"Now then. Shall we?"

His hands brushed over hers before he snatched it back. Forcing herself to keep calm, Hermione took a deep breath and walked straight at the wall.

* * *

"See," Fred's voice whispered in her ear. "No one."

Hermione glanced around the bustling platform. As usual it was filled with parents and children saying their goodbyes. Unsurprisingly, most parents were a little more emotional than usual in their goodbyes and she had a feeling many didn't want their children going back. Tears pricked at her eyes as she saw a girl a few years younger than her hugging her parents tightly. The Ministry had written to say they would look into relocating her parents and restoring their memories. But at the moment it would have to give way to some other issues that needed dealing with. Fred's hand hovered against her back.

"Come on. Let's find mum and Ginny."

Locating the two members of the Weasley family wasn't an issue. Hermione reached them just as Molly was handing a small bag over to Ginny. She turned to her with a smile.

"I've made you some food as well Hermione," she planted the lunch bag into her hands.

"Ginny said she found a quiet compartment for you both."

Hermione gave a shaky nod. Even though no one else on the platform was even looking in her direction, she could feel their gazes on her. Fingers pointing. Was this how Harry had felt all those years ago? It certainly wasn't as exciting as it had sounded at the time.

"Hey," Fred reached down and picked up her cases.

"You'll be fine. Now then, where am I putting these?"

"Fred it's fine. I can take them."

"Hermione," he sidestepped her and jumped through the carriage doorway, leaving her no choice but to follow him.

"Allow me at least one chance to show off what a gentleman I can be."

Hermione followed him down the train corridor. Two younger students pushed past, and she could have sworn she heard one of them whisper _"That's Hermione Granger!"_ She shook her head and followed Fred until he reached the figure of Ginny at the end of the carriage. Hermione said nothing as Fred made sure her cases were secure. Instead she found herself hanging round the doorway. Trying to ignore the small group of students that had gathered further along and were now staring in her direction.

"Okay!" Fred turned and gave Ginny a hug.

"Don't do anything me and George wouldn't do. And if you can, send us that Hogwarts toilet seat. We never got round to doing it ourselves."

Hermione stepped back to allow him through. Fred's soft smile lingered on her face.

"You'll be fine," he whispered, "I promise."

Hermione nodded. "Thanks again for coming. I appreciate it."

"Write to me?"

Hermione blinked at him and Fred ran a hand through his hair.

"I know I probably shouldn't ask that since we aren't together anymore. I just…I just want to know you're doing okay. Please?"

"Of course," Hermione nodded hurriedly. "Of course, I will."

"Okay," Fred took a deep breath.

"Hermione. I need you to know that…. even though you ended things I…I still care about you. The way I feel hasn't changed. That's not me trying to make you take me back!" he added hurriedly. "No, it's not that. I respect your decision. I just meant that if you need me then I'm here for you. No matter what. Please remember that."

"I know that Fred," Hermione smiled. "I know."

With a shaky grin he waved before turning and making his way down the corridor. Hermione watched him go and only when she saw him and Molly on the platform did, she turn and join Ginny in their compartment.

"You okay?" Ginny shrugged her coat off. Hermione nodded and instead settled against the window. She knew Fred still loved her, so his sudden declaration wasn't exactly a shock. But how was she supposed to respond? Was she supposed to stand there and say "Fred, my feelings for you haven't changed at all. I still love you and want to be with you. But you deserve better than someone who's broken and damaged so that's why I broke things off."

Hermione shook her head. Maybe going back to Hogwarts hadn't been a good idea.

* * *

"Mind if we join you?"

At the sound of a familiar Irish accent, Hermione glanced up to see Seamus, Dean and Neville standing in the open doorway. Ginny shuffled over in her seat to make room whilst Hermine simply drew her knees up to her chest. Ginny glanced at her briefly, but Hermione ignored her gaze and nodded. She had been expecting Dean to be coming back since he, like her, hadn't been at Hogwarts last year. Seamus and Neville were a welcome surprise. Neville sat down beside her whilst the other two sat close to Ginny. For a second, Hermione wondered if things would be awkward between everyone. But the second her eye caught the sight of Dean clutching Seamus's hand, her worries vanished. Dean smiled.

"You must have a fan club building up. Had to fight our way through a crowd of second years to get here."

Hermione hugged herself. She'd spent the entire journey trying to make herself as small as possible. Deans latest news was simply confirming her earlier worries. Aware that she needed to give some kind of reply, she glanced between Neville and Seamus.

"How come you two are coming back? I thought you'd finished by now?"

Neville nodded. "We never took our exams. After the battle, the teachers were more focused on rebuilding the school and dealing with the…with everything. Professor McGonagall said we could either leave with our predicted grades or come back and take our exams properly. My gran didn't want me to come back, but it felt right."

Seamus nodded. "My mum didn't want me to come back either. Or my dad once we explained what had happened. But I heard Dean was coming back and…." He turned to the other boy and gave his hand a squeeze.

"I couldn't spend another year apart from him. After what had happened…I wasn't letting him out of my sight."

Hermione smiled as Dean gave Seamus a kiss on the cheek. Neville cleared his throat.

"I heard Harry and Ron decided not to return?"

Hermione tried to ignore the clenching feeling in her stomach.

"No. No they said they didn't need to take their exams. Plus, they were never huge fans of school. I think, if last year hadn't happened, they'd have probably gone along the lines of what Fred and George did."

Hermione caught Ginny's eye at the mention of the twins. The clenching feeling in her stomach wasn't going away. Realising no one else in the carriage knew what had happened, Hermione cleared her throat.

"Look, you should know I…Fred and I broke up a few weeks ago. It's fine. We're fine. I'm fine. Just…wanted you to know."

"I'm sorry," Seamus said. "After seeing you guys when we all thought he'd been killed…." He shrugged.

"You guys just always looked unshakeable."

"Yeah," Hermione forced an overly bright smile onto her face. "It just didn't work out. We wanted different things I guess."

She caught Ginny's eye and quickly turned away. Whether or not she had the others fooled didn't matter. Hermione knew the other girl hadn't believe a word she'd said. Silence settled, with only the rumbling of the train tracks from outside and the occasional croak from Trevor. During her previous journeys to Hogwarts, Hermione had often wished for some peace and quiet from Harry and Ron's constant chatter. But now, she was almost trying to make-up a conversation in their head of what they would be saying. A tear pricked at her eye and she hurriedly blinked it away.

"Hermione?" Seamus glanced at the other two boys before turning back to her.

"We just wanted you to know that, whilst we don't know what you three went through last year, we are here for you. If you need to talk about anything or…. I know Harry and Ron would be the better choice but since they aren't here…" he trailed off, unsure of how to finish. Dean shook his head with a smile.

"Hermione, if you need us then we are here for you. Think that's what he was trying to say."

"Yeah," Seamus nodded. "Yeah that."

With a nod, Hermione returned to staring out the window. The boys were being kind, but she'd spent a whole summer of people asking her if she was okay. If she needed to talk. To let her know people 'were here for her'. But what good were they? Everyone had suffered over the past year, she knew that. But what she had been through? Only two people had shared that experience. The only two people she felt comfortable talking about it all with.

The two people who were no longer by her side.

* * *

Her first time entering the Great Hall, Hermione had felt incredibly uneasy at all the eyes staring at her. The moment she'd gone up to Sorting Hat, had been one of the most nerve-wracking moments of her life. Even though she knew the other students didn't really care which house she got into, the pressure of all those eyes watching her. Expecting a certain response. She hadn't enjoyed it one bit.

Sitting by Ginny in the Great Hall as the latest group of first years were led through, Hermione found herself wishing she was back there.

Whilst most of the students were watching the nervous first years being led through the hall; Hermione was aware plenty of eyes were on her. She'd already heard several people whispering her name and pointing at her. Even some of the first years had spotted her and whispered excitedly to each other. She had to assume they came from wizarding families. Hermione tried to keep her gaze on the Sorting Hat itself. That way she could ignore the stares and pointing. It also meant that she, like the others, could ignore the gaps on all the benches. Even when the first years were sorted, plenty of seats would still be empty.

"You okay?" Ginny whispered.

Hermione nodded. Given she was the only returning female Gryffindor from her year, she'd been able to share with Ginny and the girls in her year since two were no longer coming back. Both because their names were now inscribed on the memorial along with countless others.

"I just wish everyone would stop staring at me. It's not like I won the war single-handed." Hermione hissed. Ginny sighed.

"I know. But you did go on the hunt for the Horcruxes. If Harry and Ron had come back, they'd be sharing some of the attention. People are just curious that's all."

"Well can they stop being curious," Hermione snapped. "We didn't go on holiday! It wasn't some fun trip to tell at familiar dinners. It was an experience we would all like to be able to forget. And people coming up and asking questions isn't helping."

Ginny bit her lip and Hermione sighed.

"I'm sorry Ginny. It's just hard. I just want to have my final year at Hogwarts. It's what we fought for. For people like me to be _able_ to study magic and to experience it."

"Look, I know the guys said it on the train. But I am here for you as well."

Hermione was saved from answering when she felt a tug on the sleeve of her robe. Expecting it to be one of the gawky younger students, she turned to see Dennis Creevey had moved beside her. A smile instantly appeared on her face.

"Hey. How are you?"

He nodded. "My parents didn't want me to come back. But I said it's what Colin would want."

Hermione could see the bulk of Colins camera in the boy's hands.

"Colin always wanted to be a photographer," Dennis kept his eyes on the camera.

"I was never very good at it. I'm still terrible. But I didn't want to leave it behind. If I brought it with me…it'd be like Colin was back again."

Hermione shuffled closer. "Dennis, your brother was a hero. Always remember that."

The boy nodded. "Can…can I give you something?"

"Of course."

Dennis pulled out a photograph. Unlike the wizarding ones, this picture didn't move. Hermione took it and stared at the smiling faces of her, Harry, and Ron. They were sitting on some steps outside Hogwarts. So close to each other and not even air could have fitted between them.

"I tried to find photos with him in, but he was always behind the camera. I just want people to have something of him. I don't want anyone to forget him."

Placing the photo by her plate, Hermione pulled Dennis into a hug.

" _No one_ will forget him. I promise you Dennis. Not me. Not anyone."

Dennis nodded and Hermione tried to ignore the small sniff. As the final first year was sorted into Ravenclaw, Hermione watched Professor McGonagall step forward to make her speech.

"Good evening. As many of you know, we start this school year in the aftermath of tragedy. Although the war against Voldemort is over, this school, like so many of you, has not left unscathed. Those students and staff who are not able to return this year will, I'm sure, be forever in our memories."

Hermione kept one arm around Dennis as McGonagall carried on talking. Yet she was only half listening. If Harry and Ron were there, she knew they'd have made some dry comment by now. She caught several more hurried whispered of her name and she glanced round to see a group of Hufflepuff's staring at her. Hermione turned her back and glanced down at the photo in front of her. It seemed surreal that this had only been a few years ago. It felt like a lifetime since she had been this happy. This innocent.

_Take me back there_ she silently pleaded. _Please take me back._

* * *

"Miss Granger. Have a seat."

Hermione slid into the chair opposite Professor McGonagall. Whilst Hogwarts did have a new headteacher, Professor McGonagall seemed to conduct most of her meetings in her old office. Hermione glanced around, her hands clutching the edges of her seat.

"I just wanted, to have a little talk with you. Tea?"

Hermione nodded. She was used to McGonagall's sharp tongue and quick wit. Whilst she knew the woman had a softer side, Hermione was finding this entire situation a little odd. Then again, with yet another night of barely any sleep, anything would seem odd at this point.

"Have a biscuit Miss Granger."

Hermione took two. The older woman held her hands together with a smile.

"It's been nearly two months since school started. How would you say you are getting on?"

Hermione nodded. "It's been strange getting back into the routine. Classes are harder but I read a lot of the material in my sixth year so it's not too much work. I think I'm doing okay, although some of the homework we've been set is tougher than I expected."

Professor McGonagall peered over her glasses. Her sharp gaze cut Hermione off in her tracks.

"I wasn't referring to your academics Miss Granger. Although I am glad to hear you are coping well with the workload. I am referring to you and how you are doing with everything. It's been a huge adjustment period for everyone. Especially yourself."

"I'm fine." Even to herself it was very clearly a denial. Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow.

"I see. An interesting stance from someone who looks like their last good nights sleep was several weeks ago."

"I'm studying a lot," Hermione nodded her head. "I was like this during my O.W. L's. I guess I'm just used to Ron or Harry forcing me to take a break."

"Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall leaned forward. "I am aware that I may not always seem the most…approachable of teachers here. But, after what happened in May and even before then, I know a lot of students will be struggling. Some will have lost friends, family members. Some will have been scarred by their time here last year whilst others, such as yourself, will be learning to cope in a world where they were once forced to go into hiding. If at any point, you are struggling, you can talk to me. I fought in the First Wizarding War. I'm no stranger to how it can affect people."

Hermione forced herself to let go of the seat of her chair. "Thank you, Professor, but I'm fine. Honestly. If anything is wrong, I'll let you know."

She knew from the look on McGonagall's face that she didn't believe her. However, the older woman simply nodded and let her get to her feet. Almost running from the room, Hermione clenched and unclenched her fists. What did Professor McGonagall expect her to say? That she was having nightmares every night? That she studied so much to avoid thinking about anything else? That every time a student approached her with more questions about the war, she wanted to hex them? That she never let anyone see her in anything other than long sleeves to hide the scars? That there were some nights she was almost sure she was back in Malfoy manor, only this time Bellatrix was torturing her to the point of death?

Hermione shook her head. No one would understand. She just wanted to forget it ever happened. Why couldn't they just let her do that?


	2. Chapter 2

_December 1998_

"Three. Two. One!" George swung the shop door shut and held the key up with a flourish.

"We are officially closed for Christmas!"

Fred glanced around at the shelves. Most of them were bare and only a few had products left on them. He'd expected this year to be busy given everything that had happened. But both he and George had been completely unprepared for the rush. It had reached a point where they'd decided to close three days earlier than planned. They both knew they wouldn't have enough stock left to sell if they stayed open.

"What time does mum want us there tomorrow?"

George shrugged. "Not sure. Anytime I guess. No idea how we're all going to fit in. I know she wants the family to be together this year. But people are going to need to sleep on the floor at this rate!"

"Well as long as she doesn't make Ron share our room to make room for Harry and Hermione."

The smile fell slightly on George's face. "Yeah. Um…Fred, the thing is…. Hermione isn't coming."

Fred blinked at his brother. Maybe it was naïve, but he had just assumed Hermione and Ginny would both be coming home for the Christmas holidays. He shook his head and tried to school his face into a more neutral expression.

"Oh. Okay. Did she say why?"

"Studying," George nodded. "I'm sorry mate I thought…. she told Ginny and I just assumed you already knew."

Fred bit his lip. Hermione must know she didn't need to avoid The Burrow. She was still part of the family even if they were no longer in a relationship. If it was ever going to be too awkward, Fred would be the one to volunteer to leave. She must know she didn't need to stay away just because of him.

"Fred?" George's voice filtered through. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Fred had a feeling he knew where this would be going. George sighed.

"Why did you guys break up? I mean if it wasn't working out then that makes sense. But I thought it was. Bloody hell you're still crazy about her!"

Fred shook his head. "I don't know. I…I thought it was going okay. And then she just said she didn't want to be with me anymore. She never really said why. Just that she couldn't do it."

"She never even gave you an actual reason?"

Fred caught on to the sharpness in George's voice.

"George leave it. Don't hassle her over it or try and demand she give a proper explanation. She's been through enough."

"Okay," George held up his hands. "Whatever you say. I'm going to go and clear up the stock room. See what we still have left and what needs restocking for next year."

Fred watched his twin head off into the back room. Only when he heard the door shut behind him, did he move towards the counter and grab the quill and paper that sat there. Him and Hermione had exchanged a few intermittent letters over the past few months. Not really the correspondence Fred had imagined them having. He knew his idea wasn't high up on the list of good ones. But the idea of Hermione spending Christmas by herself was eating away at him.

_Hermione._

_George told me you were staying at school over Christmas. If you think you have to stay away from family events because of me then please know you don't. You will always be a part of our family regardless of what happened with us._

_If you still want to stay at Hogwarts, then that's fine. But I was wondering if I could maybe come up and see you? We could spend the afternoon in Hogsmeade. Not as a date or anything. It would just be nice to see you again. Plus, mum has some Christmas presents she wants to give you._

_Just let me know. And if you don't want to then that's completely fine._

_Fred_

The moment the ink was dry, he wasted no time in folding the parchment and stuffing it in an envelope. Fred scribbled Hermione's name on the front. He hadn't told anyone he was still writing to Hermione. He didn't need anyone telling him he needed to 'move on' or 'you still love her so try and make it work again'. At the end of the day, he just wanted to remain a part of her life. He wasn't too fussed how he did that.

* * *

Hermione hugged herself as she waited outside the Three Broomsticks. Ginny and most of the other students had already left. Just herself and a few students who didn't have families to go back. It was hardly surprising most would want to be with their families after what had happened over the past year. And whilst she wanted nothing more than to go back to The Burrow and be with her friends again. Hermione couldn't. The nightmares hadn't gone away. If anything, they were getting worse. Staying up late and getting up early to study was leaving her running one just a few hours rest. Hermione tightened the belt on her coat. She'd dropped at least one size already and most of her clothes were starting to hang on her. But even eating was becoming a chore. Her stomach wasn't settling and unless she was studying, all her mind did was replay every single memory of the past year. With the exception of Neville, Seamus, Dean, Ginny, and a few others, she barely spoke to anyone. Not that it stopped others coming up to speak to her. Both Seamus and Dean had had to start escorting her to classes to push away any students coming to her with yet another question about the Horcrux hunt.

Hermione tightened her grip on her arms. She didn't even know why she'd said yes to Fred's request. Being around him just reminded her of what she wanted but couldn't have. And whilst she knew he would never push her to take him back, she knew that agreeing to things like this wasn't going to help him move on.

"Hey!"

Fred apparated into view and Hermione couldn't help but smile. His hair was shorter than it had been back in September and she could see a bright green scarf poking out from under his coat. Fred picked at him.

"Mum decided to knit us scarves as well as jumpers this year." He held out a bag and Hermione noticed several wrapped presents inside.

"You've not been able to escape the power of my mum's knitting I'm afraid."

Hermione took the bag. "Tell her thanks. And tell her I'm sorry I'm not coming for Christmas. I just…I couldn't face it."

Fred nodded. "Look…what I said in my letter was true. If you feel like you need to avoid family events because of me then you don't. I don't want you to think you've been pushed out."

She shook her head. "No, it's not that. Honestly. I just…I had so much studying to do. And chasing the Ministry about my parents and dealing with…. with other things. I just wanted to be able to have a few weeks to myself."

Fred grinned at her. "Fair enough. Our family can be hectic at the best of times. Shall we go in?"

Hermione glanced at the door behind her. During the Summer, she'd planned for trips to Hogsmeade with Fred to be a regular thing. Drinks in the pub. Walks through the village. Being able to spend time with the man she loved. She blinked back her tears. Now it was just yet another thing she would never have. Fred eased past her and pushed the door open. Hermione ducked her head, but she knew he'd seen her tears.

"My treat," he whispered and gently led her inside.

* * *

Hermione took a small sip of Butterbeer whilst Fred was busy munching his way through a sandwich. He'd offered to get her something to eat, but Hermione knew her stomach wouldn't be able to take it. It had been doing but somersaults since sitting down. Fred eyed her carefully.

"So…how have you been?"

"Fine." Hermione nodded. "Fine. Busy with classes and stuff mainly."

Fred nodded. "Yeah, Ginny said things have been pretty intense. Plus, she's having to fit in Quidditch practice as well."

"She's very good," Hermione gripped the glass in her hands. "I think she wants to go professional when she leaves."

Fred's smile covered his face. "Really? Oh, that would be so cool! Me and George briefly thought about going pro after Hogwarts. But then we got into our inventing and things took a different turn."

"I never knew that."

Fred winked. "Yeah. Plus, we decided all the attention from crazy female fans would be too much for us to handle."

Hermione eyed the froff resting at the edge of her glass. Fred cleared his throat and took a sip of his own drink.

"So…. what about you? You must have plans after school."

She shrugged. "I don't know. I'm kind of focusing on getting _through_ school at the moment."

Fred paused before reaching across the table and taking her hand. Hermione went to tug it away, but instead let it relax in his grip. It felt natural. It felt right. Fred's eyes weren't laughing as he spoke.

"Hermione, please be honest with me. Are you doing okay?"

"I-"

"Ginny writes to me as well you know. She's told me you've been finding things difficult."

"Well that really shouldn't be a surprise," Hermione regretted snapping back the moment the words left her mouth.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so sharp. But why is everyone so surprised? I spent nearly a year on the run finding those Horcruxes. Did things and…and experienced things I never imagined I would. Going back to school like nothing ever happened was always going to tough."

"But you're doing okay though?"

Fred concerns was doing nothing to ease the ache in her stomach.

"Look," Hermione forced herself to smile. "I appreciate everyone is worried about me. But all I want to do is get on with finishing my education. Everyone keeps wanting me to talk about it and all I want it to forget it ever happened."

"But it did happen." Fred whispered. "Hermione, I have no idea what you went through-"

"No, you certainly don't."

Fred raised an eyebrow. "But you need to start accepting it happened. Start dealing with it. Talking about it isn't a bad thing. It might help."

Snatching her hand back, Hermione grabbed her hat and got to her feet.

"Will you just drop it Fred. Why do you even care anyway? We aren't together anymore!"

She stormed towards the door. Hermione could hear Fred hurrying after her, but she kept walking. Outside the snow was falling faster than it had been earlier and the light was starting to dim.

"And why is that?"

She stopped in her tracks at Fred's question. Hermione spun round to see him standing a few feet away from her. Fred choked out a laugh.

"You were the one who ended things without a single explanation." He began walking towards her.

"I meant what I said on the train. I respect your choice and I would _never_ try and push you to take me back. But I feel like I at least deserve an explanation. Yet you never told me what I did to make you break up with me."

"Fred…"

He shook his head. "What did I do Hermione? I thought we were doing okay. If I did something to upset, you or hurt you then I swear I never meant to. Just…just tell me what I did wrong."

Hermione reached for his hand, but he flinched away, and she let her arm drop.

"You didn't do anything," she whispered. "I just…it's me okay. I couldn't…. I couldn't do it."

"Do what?"

"Be with you! With anyone! I just….it was too much for me." She wiped her eyes.

"Trust me Fred. It was the right decision."

"Shouldn't we both get a say in that? Because from where I'm standing it doesn't seem to have been the right decision. For either of us."

Hermione shook her head. "No Fred. It was. If I hadn't done it then, then I guarantee you would have done it eventually."

"Trust me Hermione. I wouldn't."

Hermione began backing away. "Yes, you would. You'd have realised I was just too much of an effort. Too much of a burden."

"Hermione-"

"Just leave me alone Fred!" She turned and quickened her pace.

"Please just leave me alone!"

* * *

Hermione's eyes scanned over the page but none of the words were going in. The majority of the books piled around her weren't needed. But they helped shield her from the view of any other students in this part of the library. Not that many were coming in today. Gryffindor were playing against Hufflepuff and most of the school was out in force to watch the game. Both Dean and Ginny had asked her to go and watch, but she'd refused. The plan had been to try and get some much-needed sleep in the empty dormitory. But within twenty minutes she'd woken up screaming and clutching at her arm. Hermione tugged her sleeve down over her hand. She hadn't realised she'd scratched herself again. Three bright pink lines sat near her scar. She'd only started doing it recently. Her friends had twigged she hadn't been eating much so often spent most of their mealtimes watching her to make sure she was putting enough food on the plate. She hadn't said so but did help to have a fuller stomach. Made studying much easier without having to listen to it growl every few minutes.

"Ask her."

"No, you want to know. You ask."

Hermione ignored the voices. Probably students needing to find some books. Most of the younger children were often hesitant – if not scared – to ask Madame Pince for anything. Hermione smiled. She remembered the feeling. To any first year, the librarian was an imposing figure. Fred said she was the only staff member he'd ever felt nervous of. Hermione chewed at her lip. In the three months since meeting Fred at Hogsmeade she hadn't replied to any of his letters. He'd still persisted in sending them, but she'd ignored every single one. A few weeks ago, he'd stopped writing directly to her, instead choosing to voice his concerns through Ginny. Hermione was losing count of how many times the younger girl kept asking how she was on Fred's behalf. Whilst she admired his perseverance, Hermione didn't know how else to get her message across. She wanted to be left alone. And the sooner Fred realised he was better off without her, then the better.

"Excuse me?"

Hermione glanced up to see two boys standing by the table. Both had dark brown hair and she noticed they were both in Ravenclaw. One of them pushed his glasses back up his nose.

"Can we ask you something?"

Her heart sank at those words. Judging from their heights they had to be first years. The one with glasses smiled weakly.

"Please?"

She glanced at her book. She wasn't taking any of it in anyway. With a resigned smiled she shut the book and turned to face the two boys.

"What do you want to know?"

"Does the Cruciatus curse turn you mad?"

If she was holding a quill, she'd have probably snapped it.

"What?"

The boy with glasses nodded. "Does it turn you mad? Because in potions this Slytherin girl said it had turned Neville Longbottom's parents mad. And Bellatrix Lestrange used it on you. But you don't seem mad to me."

Hermione glanced between the two boys.

"Um…why were you talking about this?"

"We were talking about the war," the other boy said. "And how you and Ron Weasley and Harry Potter went on an adventure to get the Horcruxes"

"My favourite bit is the part where you were at Malfoy Manor," said the glasses boy. He jerked a thumb at his friend.

"He prefers when you broke into Gringotts."

Hermione shook her head. "Favourite bit? Do either of you have _any_ idea what it was like to be doing any of those things? To be on the run? Away from your friends and family. Knowing that if you were caught then you would be killed? And you all see it as some big adventure story!"

The two boys looked at each other nervously and Hermione leaned forward and shot a glare at the glass's boy.

"The Cruciatus curse didn't send me mad. But it was the most painful and agonising thing I'll ever experience. While it was happening, I wanted her to stop and just kill me! At least that way it would stop hurting!"

She grabbed her sleeve and tugged it up. Both boys gasped as they saw her scar.

"You say your favourite bit is Malfoy manor. Well what's your opinion on this then? On the fact that a Death Eater tortured me with the Cruciatus curse before carving this word into my arm when I was _eighteen!_ Why? Because my parents were Muggles. You act like it was some big adventure. Well I have this scar on my arm to remind me every day it was anything but!"

As both boys ran off, Hermione glanced down at her arm to realise she had been gripping her wrist tightly. She rolled her sleeve back down. Making sure it covered the scratches and the red finger marks around her wrist. Tears began to leak down her face. Nearly a year old and the marks still looked as fresh as the day she'd been given them. Hermione folded her arms close to her chest and drew her knees up against her. Other than Harry, Ron, Bill, and Fleur, no one had seen that scar until today. She'd never allowed anything else. If people saw it then they'd ask questions. Questions she would be expected to answer. Memories she would be forced to relieve.

"Hey."

She snapped a smile onto her face at Neville's voice. He glanced over his shoulder before reaching into his pocket and bringing a tissue out.

"I saw those two boys talking to you just now. You seemed a bit upset so…" he held the tissue out and Hermione took it with a smile.

"I know you probably don't want to," Neville whispered, "but you can talk to me. I know what it like to have your life ruined by that woman. I'm not comparing you and my parents. I'm just saying I might understand."

Hermione swallowed back a sob. "How…how are they?"

"I went to see them, just after the battle." Neville hugged the book he was holding to his chest.

"I told them she was dead. I don't know what I was expecting but…. they just stared at me. I was telling them the woman who tortured them was dead and it didn't register with them at all."

He choked out a laugh. "I shouldn't have been surprised. It's how they always are. I just thought that _this_ might have had some sort of reaction."

"I'm sorry," Hermione said. "So sorry. I guess I keep forgetting it could have been so much worse for me."

Neville shot her a weak smile. "I wasn't trying to suggest that. But I tried to forget. I tried to ignore what had happened to my parents. What she had done. And it didn't help. It just took me much longer to try and deal with it. I'm not saying another option would have been any better. But, to be honest, I can't see how it could have been worse."

"You think I should talk to someone about it all?"

Neville shrugged. "That's not my decision. But the Hermione that came back, is not the Hermione I know. She's far from it. And I think by trying to bury everything from the past year away, we're never going to get her back."

Hermione let her eyes stray to her freshly covered arm.

"I'll think about it. I promise."

Neville grinned. "Look I'm um…. I'm heading off to see Luna in a bit. You can come with me if you want? We're only going to sit by the lake but…if you fancied some company then you'd be welcome."

"Thanks, but I'm good. Besides, I don't want to be the third wheel on your date."

The tips of Neville's' ears went pink. "It's not that…. sort of…. I mean I like her, and she likes me…I think. We're just spending time together."

Hermione nodded. "Okay. Well enjoy your date that's not a date. And thanks for…" she held up the tissue. With a smile Neville turned and began wandering back along the seemingly endless rows of books. Hermione watched him, letting his words run around her head.

" _The Hermione that came back, is not the Hermione I know. She's far from it. And I think by trying to bury everything from the past year away, we're never going to get her back."_

"That's the problem Neville," she muttered, "I don't think we're ever going to get her back.

* * *

" _Crucio!"_

_Screams. Pain. Screams. Pain. Everything began to blur together._

" _Crucio!"_

" _I…I don't…. please I don't KNOW!"_

" _Crucio!"_

_She wasn't listening. She didn't care. She just wanted to hurt her for the sake of it. A sharp scratch ran across her arm. Blood began to leak. Tight, bony fingers clutched at her. The blood ran faster. More scratches filled her arm. More blood._

" _Crucio!"_

_She wouldn't stop. She would never stop. More screams filled the silence._

" _Please…. please stop. Just finish it."_

_She wanted it to stop. She just wanted it to be over._

_She wanted to die._

"Hermione!"

A scream ripped from her throat at the voice. Hermione snapped her head around to see Ginny had slipped between the curtains and was standing over her bed. The younger girl blinked at her.

"You…. Hermione you were screaming. Are you….?"

Hermione followed the horrified look in Ginny's eyes. With the bedsheets tangled around her legs, Hermione could see she'd pushed her sleeve up. But where she expected to see the _Mudblood_ scar as clear as anything, instead all they could see were the thin red lines on the skin around it. Blood began to leak down her arm from the scratches that had torn through the word. She hurriedly pressed a hand over it. She couldn't let Ginny see what it said.

"Hermione," Ginny's hushed voice was trying to hide her concern.

"Hermione you need to go to the hospital wing."

She reached out but Hermione flinched away. "No. No I can't…they can't see…"

"Hermione, you are bleeding." Ginny snapped. "Let me look at your arm."

"No!" Hermione held her bloodied arm close to her chest.

"No please. Please you can't look at it. I can't let you see it!"

For a few seconds she wondered if Ginny would reach out and take a look anyway. But an understanding dawned in her eyes and she nodded.

"Okay. I won't look. But you are going to the hospital wing and you're going now."

Sensing there was no chance of arguing otherwise, Hermione nodded. She took several shaky breaths whilst Ginny threw her dressing gown around her shoulders.

"I…. Ginny I can't…" each word felt like a hammer to her lungs.

"I can't do this. I can't do this."

"Listen to me," Ginny whispered. "I am here. Okay? So is Neville. And Dean and Seamus. And Luna. We are _all_ here for you."

Hermione shook her head. "But you're not Harry. You're not Ron. I need…. I need them! I need my mum and Dad. I need Fred! I need them and they're not here!"

Hermione glanced at Ginny who had tears falling down her own face.

"I just want my mum and dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly more dramatic and angsty than the previous chapter. But happier times and more fluff will be coming up I promise.


	3. Chapter 3

_March 1999_

"Take a seat Miss Weasley."

Ginny watched as Professor McGonagall leafed through several of the papers in her hands before setting them to one side and removing her glasses. In the two days since she'd all but dragged Hermione to the hospital wing, Ginny had agonised if she should even mention anything to any of the staff. Hermione had begged her not to say anything after all. But whilst loyalty her friend was one thing, deep down Ginny knew Hermione needed help. Her stomach clenched and she forced herself to take several calming breaths. Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

"Miss Weasley?"

"Sorry." Ginny shook her head. "Sorry. I'm here…it's about Hermione."

The other woman nodded in understanding. "I take it you don't think she's doing so well."

"No. When she refused to leave for Christmas, I should have realised something was wrong. She's still having nightmares and cutting herself off from everything that's not related to schoolwork. And then…."

"You brought her to the hospital wing."

Ginny narrowed her eyes in confusion and Professor McGonagall smiled.

"When the new school year started, I told Madame Pomfrey to inform me the moment a student was admitted with anything that could be linked to the events of last year. Stress, anxiety etc. She told me you brought Miss Granger in. Apparently, she'd injured her arm?"

Ginny nodded. "She'd scratched it quite badly during her nightmare. I don't think she meant to hurt herself. I think…." She broke off with a sigh.

"To be honest I don't know what to think. But she needs help. We've all tried to be there for her but it's not enough for her. She needs the people she trusts. People she loves. Harry and Ron…. I don't think they have any idea about what's happening. Obviously, her parents aren't an option."

"No." McGonagall's tone took on a softer edge. Ginny hadn't heard her so gentle since last May when she had comforted a young Hufflepuff whose friend had been killed. It had unnerved her then and it unnerved her now.

"I suspect that's added even more stress for Miss Granger. To be without your parents at a time like this isn't easy."

She cleared her throat. "I share your worries Miss Weasley. But we can't force Hermione to accept help if she isn't willing to do so. As much as it pains me to say."

"I know," Ginny nodded. "But I think I might have an idea about that. There is someone I think she'll talk to."

Professor McGonagall peered down at her sharply.

"Who?"

"Fred."

* * *

"George? Are you sure it's here?"

Fred stuck his head even further into the cupboard. Of course, they would run out of the Skiving Snack boxes just as they were at their busiest. And of course, George would suddenly place himself behind the till and say he was far too busy to grab more stock. Leaving Fred, the job of rifling through their somewhat chaotic storage cupboard for more. Fred knew they had plenty, he just didn't know where. When they'd been getting the shop back up and running, they'd been more focused on re-opening than re-organising. He had initially planned to ask Hermione for her help. But then, when things went the way that they had, it felt too awkward. Meaning he was now left balancing on a less than stable step ladder, with dust clinging to his hair.

"Well I think that's the most focused you've ever been in all my years of teaching you."

Fred dragged his head out of the cupboard. He had to be hearing things. Professor McGonagall couldn't be in the store cupboard of his shop.

"Mr Weasley?"

Fred glanced round and bit his lip to avoid his entire jaw dropping. Professor McGonagall was standing in the store cupboard of his shop.

"Um…" he hurriedly brushed himself down and jumped off the step ladder.

"I wasn't…. well I wouldn't have….err…. what are you doing here?"

His old professor raised an eyebrow. "Well, even if you didn't have a taste for academia, I was hoping I would still be a welcome visitor?"

"No. No of course you are!" Fred ran his hands through his hair in the hope of shaking out some of the dust.

"I just never expected to see you here. Can I um…help you?"

"I'm hoping you can," Professor McGonagall held her hands tightly together.

"Mr Weasley-"

"Fred."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm not exactly a student anymore so…well we don't have to be so formal. Do we?"

Professor McGonagall tightened her lips.

"I think we shall stick with Mr Weasley thank you. Now then, I'm hoping you can help me with an issue relating to Miss Granger."

Fred gripped the shelf he was leaning against. Although he was keeping his face neutral, his stomach was churning furiously.

"Hermione? Is…is she okay?"

"If I'm being very honest My Weasley, no she isn't. She is refusing all offers of help even though things are far from okay for her."

Fred glanced at the storeroom door. He could hear the faint giggles from children outside. Although the news was a shock, deep down he'd known something was wrong. Not just when Hermione started ignoring his letters, but when even Ginny couldn't tell him anything. And yet that had been a couple of months ago. For Professor McGonagall to make a visit to him _now_ would mean that…

"Something serious has happened hasn't it? That's why you're here."

The older woman nodded. "It appears that, a few nights ago, Miss Granger had a very bad nightmare and began scratching herself. So much so she made herself bleed and your sister had to take her to the hospital wing."

Fred pressed a hand to his stomach. "Is…is she…. what's happening to her now?"

"She's still there at the moment. We've been given her a sleeping draught to help her sleep. Your sister thinks that she might open up to you. She refuses to talk to anyone else."

"Professor…. you do know me, and Hermione broke up last summer?"

Professor McGonagall nodded. "I do. Your sister told me. But she also said that Hermione told her she wanted you. Since the other people she mentioned are not an option, for one reason or another, I'm hoping you can help her."

Fred nodded. "Let me get my coat."

Not bothering to say anything more he eased past her and hurried back out into the shop. Usually the smiles of the children that frequented it brightened the day. But right now, as far as Fred was concerned, they no longer existed. George rang up the till for the latest customer in the queue.

"Did you find them? Fred?"

"Look," Fred whispered, "Will you be okay by yourself for a couple of days?"

George nodded. "Of course. Why what's happened?"

"Professor McGonagall is in our stockroom, I know, I know," he added quickly at the startled look on George's face.

"I wasn't exactly expecting it myself. She said something's wrong with Hermione. Something really wrong. She thinks I might be able to help."

George nodded. "Okay. But…given you and Hermione aren't…just be careful. I don't want you getting hurt."

"Trust me," Fred grabbed his coat. "It's far too late for that."

"Fred?"

"I _knew!_ " Fred hissed, aware of the customers by the counter watching him.

"I knew something was wrong. I tried to help but she refused, and I just left her. I didn't push her and fight her on any of it. I let her down at the very moment she needed me the most. I failed her. And nothing can hurt me more than the knowledge of that."

Fred turned and stormed back towards the storeroom, leaving George with the task of finding an explanation for the slightly baffled customers. Buttoning up his coat he eyed Professor McGonagall closely.

"Does Hermione know I'm coming?"

She shook her head. "She'd probably refuse to see you. But your sister is convinced you can help, and to be honest, so am I." she cleared her throat.

"We'll apparate to Hogsmeade and then go from there to Hogwarts."

Fred gripped his wand. "Professor…. before we go can I ask you something?"

"I'm trying to work out if you've ever asked me that before."

Fred shrugged in response. "Do you….do think if me and Hermione hadn't have broken up that things would have gotten that bad?"

"I don't think she did this because of it if that's what you mean."

Fred shook his head. "No. I just meant that if I had been able to be there for her. Properly. Been able to try and help her and support her, do you think she'd have felt so alone. Honestly?"

"Only Miss Granger can really tell you that. But if you wish me to be honest, then I'd say that, whilst she might have had another area of support, I still think she'd have felt alone. You have to remember Mr Weasley that her experience of the war was very different to most peoples. She has no one around her who understand what she went through. You being there wouldn't have changed that."

"Right." Her words did nothing to ease the guilt that was knowing away at him. He held his wand out whilst Professor McGonagall did the same.

"I'm coming Hermione," he mumbled. "I'm coming."

* * *

Hermione tugged at her shirtsleeve. Even though no one was even glancing in her direction, it was as though hundreds of eyes were fixed on the bandage hidden beneath the fabric. The sudden increase in temperate meant she'd had to forgo the jumpers and cardigans. But whilst most students had their sleeves rolled up well past their elbows, Hermione kept tugged her past her wrists. This is why she didn't let anyone know about her scar. Because every time someone else found out, it felt like everyone now knew. With the inside tucked against her side, she knocked on the door to McGonagall's classroom. Although the woman hadn't said why she wanted to see her, Hermione knew she would have found out about the incident in the girls' dormitories. Madame Pomfrey had even admitted she'd told the headmistress herself. Hermione wasn't going to argue with the fact that she needed help. She just didn't know how she was supposed to do it. Everyone seemed to have different ideas, and all had different stories about what had helped them get over the trauma in their lives. But their trauma wasn't hers. What if nothing worked? What if she was just doomed to live with it for the rest of her life?

"Come in?"

Hermione eased the door open. "Professor what was it you wanted to…."

The door slammed behind her. Fred stood beside Professor McGonagall with an unusually nervous look in his eyes. He switched his gaze back and forth between the two of them.

"Fred what…. what's going on?"

"Mr Weasley is here because his sister believes he may be the only person who can help you right now."

"So…" Hermione shook her head. "He knows about…. the other night?"

"I know everything Hermione," Fred said softly. "Ginny and Professor McGonagall have filled me in."

Hermione shuffled backwards and Professor McGonagall took that as her cue.

"I'm going to give you some time to talk. I don't have a class for a couple of hours. Should be enough time."

She moved down the aisle between the desk and came to a halt a few feet away from Hermione.

"I know you are probably thinking I had no right to involve him in this. Given your history together. But everyone is very concerned about you Miss Granger. I believe Mr Weasley can help. Please just…just give him a chance."

"I…." Hermione had no time to answer. The older woman shut the door behind her, and she was left alone with Fred. To his credit he seemed equally uneasy as he sat down at one of the desks near the front. Hermione tugged at her sleeve and began steadily moving towards him.

"Fred I-"

"I'm sorry Hermione," Fred's voice was thick. The closer she got, the redder his eyes appeared.

"I'm _so_ sorry. I knew at Christmas that something wasn't right. I should have pushed. I shouldn't have just given in so easily. If I had then maybe you wouldn't have…" he gestured to her arm and Hermione held a protective hand over it.

"It's not as simple as that."

"Isn't it?" Fred choked out. "Hermione, whatever you say, you need help. I'm not saying I'm going to be able to make everything better for you, but I'll be damned if I don't try. Now we can either sit here in silence or we can talk. But I can promise you one thing. I'm never leaving you again. Never."

"I…" her throat closed up. A lump began to form, and her lungs tightened and fought for breath. The energy of keeping up the pretence was pointless now. All the effort for no reason at all. Tears began to leak down her face. Footsteps echoed near her. Her body shook slightly as the energy she'd been holding in, began to leave her. Fred's arm took her and pulled her against him. Hermione held him close and buried her face in his chest whilst her shoulders shook and heaved with each sob. Fred pressed his lips into her hair.

"Let it all out," he whispered. "Everything you've been bottling up, just let it out."

Hermione gripped at his jacket, conscious his shirt and tie were getting damper from her tears the whole time. Yet Fred was just as unwilling to let go.

"I know I shouldn't really say this," he said, "but I can't help but be glad you're in my arms again."

With a hoarse laugh, Hermione eased away and wiped at her face.

"I really needed that."

Fred held out a hand. "Come on. Let's sit down."

Hermione gently settled her fingers against his and allowed him to lead her towards the front desks. Fred sat her down in a chair before sitting at the desk on the other side of the aisle.

"Figured we should be somewhere you felt comfortable. Front row of the class made sense."

A smile tugged on her face. "I don't know what you want me to say?"

Fred leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "What do you want to say?"

"That…" her throat dried up. How could she tell him the truth? How could she tell him she could sometimes hear Bellatrix's voice? That she sometimes wished the Death Eater had killed her in Malfoy Manor? That she kept her wand under her pillow and that every time a door banged open or a stranger entered a room, her first thought was they were Snatchers?

"Hey," he leaned forward and took her hands. Hermione had missed the feel of his skin against hers. It felt so normal to be holding Fred's' hand again.

"Whatever it is, I don't care. I won't judge you or make you feel bad. Whatever you're feeling…. you need to let it out."

Hermione glanced down at her arms. She needed Fred to understand. And although it sent more shivers running through her body, she knew there was only one way she would be able to do that. She gently rolled her sleeve up.

"How much do you know about our time at Malfoy Manor?" She began to carefully unwrap the bandage. Fred eyes her closely.

"A little bit," he admitted. "Ron told us somethings one night after a nightmare. He didn't go into details but…well he said how Bellatrix hurt you."

"She tortured me with the Cruciatus curse," Hermione ignored the curse that slipped from Fred's mouth. "But that wasn't enough. She decided to leave me with a reminder."

The bandages fell to the floor and Hermione extended her arm out. The thin scratches had all but faded. Whilst the _mudblood_ scar was still there, it now had two or three lines running through it. Hermione kept her eyes fixed on Fred as he took in every inch of it.

"Don't you see? It doesn't matter who I talk to. What sort of therapy I have or what potions they give me. I will _always_ have this to remind me. This is permanent. I can't get rid of it. It will always be there."

"Hermione-"

"I wanted her to kill me," she spat. "I nearly begged her to do it. Because anything would have been better than a single second of that pain. In my nightmares it's the same. I want to die so it's all over. Sometimes she does kill me. Sometimes she doesn't." she wiped at her eyes with her other hand.

"I honestly don't know which I prefer."

Fred gently took her hand in his and reached up for her shirt sleeve with the other. He pulled it down so the marks were hidden from view. Hermione gave a small nod.

"It's why I never let you see it. I knew you'd hate it."

Fred held her hand. "I hate what that evil creature did to you. I hate that you had to go through something like that. I hate that you've been reliving it nearly every night and I've not been there for you. So, in a way, yes, I hate that scar. But it doesn't change how I see you. Nothing ever could."

Fred shuffled closer and took both of her hands.

"Hermione, what happened to you was horrible. No one should have had to go through something like that. But you did. It's a part of you now. You need to accept it."

"You say it like it's so easy."

Fred shook his head. "It won't be. It'll be far from it. But I'll be with you every step of the way. I promise."

Hermione shook her head. "I can't ask that of you. Fred it's one thing to sit here and talk and open up about a few things. It another thing to deal with me on a long-term basis. The nightmares. The anxiety. The times when I'll lash out at you for no reason." She gestured to her arm. "I did this by accident. I didn't mean to hurt myself. But what if I do it again? What if I do it on purpose? What if I don't get better? What sort of person would I be if I made you deal with all of this?"

For a few seconds Fred didn't say anything. Hermione heard his chair scrape and when she glanced up, she saw Fred kneeling before her.

"Hermione…. did you break up with me because you thought I'd see you as a burden and leave?"

She nodded. "Anyone would. You deserve someone who can be there for you no matter what. Someone who can make you happy and be the girlfriend you deserve. As much as it breaks my heart, that's not me."

Fred tightened his grip on her hands. "Well I'm sorry but Hermione but I completely disagree."

"Fred-"

"My turn for a story," he sat back on his heels. "During the war, me, George and Lee went into hiding so we could do Potterwatch. All of us were scared about our families. Our friends. And I was petrified about your safety. I kept expecting to hear your name on the radio. Saying you'd be captured or worse. One night I decided I couldn't take it. I needed to find you and make sure you were okay. So, I packed up and left. Bear in mind I had _no_ idea where you were. But I still went. George and Lee found me pretty quickly and convinced me to come back…after nearly an hour or so." He smiled weakly.

"Fred…. you could have been in serious danger! If you'd been caught you could have been killed!"

"Exactly," he kissed her knuckles. "Hermione if I was willing to risk my own freedom; my own life even, to make sure you were okay, I think I'm willing to put up with a few sleepless nights and possible irrational arguments. I love you. I always will and I want to stand by you and see you get through all of this."

Hermione smiled softly, "I love you to. I never stopped. I know i don't deserve to ask given how I treated you but...could we maybe start over?"

Fred shuffled closer so his face was mere inches from hers.

"Depends?"

"On what?"

He winked at her. "If I can do the thing I've been dying to do since the summer and give you a kiss."

Hermione darted forward and pushed her lips against Fred's. One hand kept hold of hers whilst his other cupped her face. His fingers curled up in her hair.

"Oh Fred…" Hermione broke away and gently let her forehead rest against Fred's.

"I've missed you so much."

Fred kissed her forehead. "We're together now. That's all that matters."

* * *

_August 1999_

With her hand tightly intwined with Fred, Hermione allowed the chatter from the rest of the dinner table to wash over her. The past few months had been difficult with having to study for her final exams, fitting in her weekly chats with Professor McGonagall and seeing Fred as much as possible. But it had all been worth it. Or it would be if she got the grades she wanted.

"Hey," Fred squeezed her hand. "You'll have done fine. Heck you'll probably have passed subjects you never even took!"

Hermione's smiled wasn't forced at his joke. Something which had been so hard a year ago, was now so natural again. There was a hooting from outside.

"Open the window Arthur," Molly Weasley set an extra helping of bacon onto Hermione's plate. As the elderly form of Errol flew through the window, Hermione and the others held their plates up to allow him space to crash onto the table.

"Is that it then?" Ron plucked the envelope from the owl's beak. "Your results?"

Hermione took the letter and eyed the writing on the front. "I guess so. I'm actually really nervous."

Her fingers brushed against the flap. She knew delaying it made no difference. Not knowing wouldn't change what she got. But what if she hadn't done enough? She'd had to sacrifice study time for Fred and her friends. What if she'd made a mistake by doing that?

"Do you want me to open it?" Fred whispered. Hermione handed it over by way of an answer and watched him rip it open and hurriedly glance over the letter. Silence fell on the table and although she never took her eyes off Fred, Hermione knew everyone was watching her. Fred's grin stretched across his face.

"You're a bloody genius Hermione!" He pressed a kiss to her forehead and showed her the letter.

"Five N.E.W. T's! All outstanding!" He kissed her again while Hermione gripped the letter tightly.

"I…seriously?"

"Read it yourself!" Fred beamed at her. "Seriously, you're a genius!"

As the cheers and congratulations washed over her, Hermione looked down at her grades. The twisted knot of worry that had settled in her stomach began to steadily ease. Fred hugged her close.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered. "Seriously, how on earth did I ever get to land someone as brilliant as you?"

"Well we have been saying for a while she's too good for you mate," George drawled. "Congratulations Hermione."

"I…thanks. Thank you." Hermione clutched the letter in her lap. The knot in her stomach was easing. But it hadn't gone away. Her free hand felt around in the space underneath the table and she grabbed hold of Fred. He glanced over in concern and she gave his hand two soft squeezes. Understanding dawned and he nodded softly.

"Guys, me and Hermione are just going to have a chat. Gonna show her the present I got her."

"If you're going to snog her senseless you can just say," George grinned before immediately ducking as his mum flicked the tea towel at him. With a grin, Fred took Hermione's hand and led her away from the bustle of the kitchen and towards the quiet and privacy of the stairs.

"What's the matter?" He sat them both down on the bottom step. Hermione glanced down at her letter.

"Mum and dad were so proud of me when I got my O.W. L's. Once I explained how the grading worked anyway. They were so excited for me. And they were so supportive of all of it. Right from when I first got my letter. They've always been there for me and now…"

She snuggled against Fred. "I just wish they were here. I know the Ministry said they were going to find them. And I know there's been bigger things to deal with. But it's been over a year. You'd have thought they'd have known by now!"

"I might have something for you to help there."

Hermione eased out of his hold and Fred nodded.

"I wasn't completely lying when I said I was going to show you the present I got." Fred glanced down at her.

"Well it's two presents actually. Although I suppose this one is more of a family one. Anyway," he held her hands tightly.

"You'll get an official letter in a few days, but Dad tipped me off the other day. They've found where your parents are."

"What?"

Fred nodded quickly. "They're fine. I'm not sure how the process will all work but, as I understand it, once you get the letter you can start making the arrangements and then you'll be able to go and see them and restore their memories!"

"I…" Hermione had spent over a year waiting for this news. She'd even daydreamed about how she would react when she heard it. But now only one thought was running round her head.

"Will you go with me?"

Fred glanced at her. "To Australia?"

"Please? I know it sounds silly given how long I've waited for this, but I don't think I can go on my own. I mean, what if it doesn't work? What if I make them worse?"

"Hey," he softly stroked her knuckles. "You just got five outstanding N.E.W. T's. You can do anything."

"So, you'll come?"

He kissed her forehead. "Of course, I will. Hermione, wherever you need me, I'll be there."

"I don't deserve you Fred Weasley."

He shrugged immodestly before diving into his pocket. "I also have something else for you."

Hermione watched as he pulled out a small box. With a shy smile he flicked it open to reveal a small key.

"Fred…is that…is that the key to your flat?"

"Yeah. I had a chat with George and we both agreed. I know you've been spending a lot of time there, but it's always been me letting you in and out. You need your own key."

"So…are you asking me to move in with you?"

Fred pushed the box into her lap. "Sort of. I would love for us to live together. Either in the flat with George or…" he blushed. "Or even our own place. But I know we agreed to take things very slowly given everything else. So, I decided to give you a key, so you have somewhere to go whenever you want to. Doesn't matter if me or George aren't in. You can go there whenever you like. Stay as long as you like. If you want to make it more permanent, then I'm all for it. But only when you want to. Not a second earlier."

"I…" Hermione's eyes kept dancing from the key to Fred's face and back again. "I don't know what to say."

He shot her a wink. "I'll accept any kind of compliment really. No need to worry about laying it on too thick. Just go for it."

Setting the box and her letter to one side, Hermione shuffled close and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"I love you."

Fred smiled. "Best compliment ever."

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly more angst than my usual Fremione fluff pieces. But happier times and (more importantly) happy endings will be on the way. I just figured there was no way Hermione went back and did her final Hogwarts year and was completely okay considering what she had just gone through.


End file.
